The Knightly News

—By Fariha Tamboli, Diana Tang, and Lei Lei Wu—

5 Quick Facts:

1. The dress is actually black and blue.
2. The trend started on February 26, 2015.
3. The dress is from the British retailer Roman Originals.
4. The colors that we see are based on the lighting in which we view the dress and its surroundings.
5. The dress is ugly.

Alex from Target, Left Shark, Grumpy Cat—the Internet never fails to make the strangest things popular.  And once again, this magical portal has essentially started the Trojan War 2.0, except the one difference is that while Helen was beautiful, “the dress” is extremely unflattering.  Let’s just get this straight: if Helen was wearing this dress, the Trojan War would have never started in the first place.  What’s the point of fighting about the color of a measly scrap of cloth?  We have beaten the topic until it’s black and blue—or white and gold?

The dress is ugly.  It looks as if the designer ran out of blue (or white) fabric and had to patch up the remaining parts with lace dug out of the neighbor’s garbage can.  Decorated with tacky-looking lace and wrinkled up cloth hastily glued together, the dress is the quintessence of overpriced clothing.  Who would even be willing to pay money for this?

True, the dress is facilitating discussion about visual optics and blah blah blah among us not-so-bright kids.  But in reality, the big words and complicated jargon only confuse people more.  And as soon as this craze disappears, no one is going to remember the science behind it anyway.  The dress is just going to join the pile of Nyan cats and Honey Boo-Boos in the dusty, empty corners of Tumblr and Facebook.

Instead of aimlessly ruminating on the color of a dress that probably costs way more than it’s worth, we could be curing cancer, discovering aliens, or shoveling snow.  Who knows?

In the meantime, we’ll just be lazing around on Twitter, constantly refreshing the page, waiting for the next big trend to confirm yet again that humanity is a lost cause.